To be confined in the infirmary for more than two hours with a high blood pressure ranging from 150/100-120/100.

It has only been two weeks in LaSalle and it seemed as if it was already hell week. Well, for me at least. And yesterday was the culmination of everything. From some major subjects, TLS work, DLSP and some personal issues, everything was in chaos.

It seemed as if I was not in control. And that is very bad for a person like me. I live by the spirit of carpe diem and yet I walk on a thin line in life, balancing everything from school, organizations, friends and even relationships. Just like those who perform in circuses. And like them if for one moment I would lose concentration I too would fall and I would fall very hard. Yesterday was just that. I guess it was my all time low for the school year.

I tried to resolve my problem by talking to my friends but that didn’t work. I tried to eat something. But that didn’t work either. And as a last resort I went to my old time friends whom I tried to forget for so long; dun hill & west. With a light or two, bliss. Yes, momentary satisfaction. For one moment in time I was back in control.

Or so it seemed. As the last stick lit lost its effect, everything just went back to the way they were maybe even worse. By then, Gela, Jeremy and I were already at the amphitheater. As the two love birds were enjoying their time together, I tried not to think much to lessen the uneasiness building up within me.

But that was impossible. I’m a thinker. It was my nature to imagine, to dream and to remember. Yet, the thoughts that flooded thoughts were not as positive as one could imagine. Problems and issues, from school, to work, and people were swirling around head. “Think of something happy Kikz.” I told myself. But nothing came to mind. If there was any, it would just be countered by some problem that went with it. It reminded me of the conversation that Aaron and I had a couple of hours back…

“Have you seen Ren & Stimpy?” I asked Aaron. “Yep” he nodded in approval. “They are retards right?” He then snickered in agreement. “But you know what, sometimes I envy them. Well Stimpy at least. His retarded/uncomplicated way of thinking makes him happy even at worst part of his life.”


Why do I always have to carry the world’s problem behind my back? It’s not like people expect me to do so anyway.

Finally, the cold sweat, nausea and the feeling of vomiting soon took hold of me. It was time to go to the infirmary. The lady there told me that as I arrived I was as white as a ghost and very cold. They gave a medicine that lowered my blood pressure which eventually brought some calm to me. But I still had to wait. It was not safe for me to move just yet. They told me that had I stayed at the 150 range any longer it would have been very dangerous.

As my parents picked me up, since I did not have the energy nor was it really okay for me to go home alone, they reminded me that hypertension was a family trait. But for as young as 19 like me to have it was very wrong.

“You will have to change your lifestyle Francis.” Mom told me. “I don’t know what you are trying to prove with everything that you’re doing.” Dad said about my work with TLS and DLSP. "You are to young to be stressed. You're too serious." (Ahhh yes that word again...serious.) And they both agreed that I had to give up on some of things that I was doing TLS, DLSP, orgs etc. I didn’t bother to say a thing. I was tired and eventually doze of to sleep.